GJ - 04/24/26

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 Yesterday, I realized that I was in a terrible mood ever since the morning time. A feeling of sluggishness - where, it felt as though my life was going nowhere. 

Later, I realized that this feeling of discontent was triggered by the news that my coworker will be enlisting into the army by the end of this month.

Normally, this is no great "news". Thank you for choosing to serve! But I believe that the "pinch point" was (A) who it was, and (B) how it compared to me. I know that comparison is the thief of joy. But here's why it stung more. 

A is not any normal coworker - he was one that I often compared myself to. Partly because, the girl that I had been interested in, had fallen for him the first day that she began working here (in secret). (The whole explanation is a bit too long to compress). Long story short - she left the company, and (might be) still meeting with him. Talk about a sting to the heart. 

Second - it felt as though some of us had plans for the future and had planned for it. This led back to where I am in my journey - still stuck on meds, still stuck on ones that have NO part / benefit on my life, still overweight. Still struggling, financially with no future plan in place. 

But after listening to some videos, praying, and setting time aside - I realized that there are many things that I could / should set my eyes upon - I simply was not allowing myself to do so. Such as my current moving situation, my future setup, and my future plans. None of these have to do with him. 

I have to realize that my race is not his, and his is not mine. The interests of others bear to weight to my own value. 

Today is the day that I begin planning for myself, and for myself. 

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